I haven't posted in quite a few days, much to my surprise. But I've been feeling very blah lately. Facing the holidays without my "mother" is really depressing me. I'm not surprised, of course. And I'll be okay, I'm just very down in the dumps about just about everything in general. Everything except Ellie and Aaron pretty much.

Look at my little cuties this past weekend in the mountains:

She's such a ham.

Perhaps I will have a better post soon.

Who's For Dinner?

If you could have a dinner party, and invite up to six guests — living or dead — who would you invite?

1 & 2 – My grandparents. There are so many things I should have said to them. I can only hope they knew it anyway.

3 – My dad. He's been gone so long…I barely remember him now. I would love to learn more about him and find the similarities between us.

4 & 5 – My hubby and daughter. I can't eat without them!

6 – My father-in-law. My hubby and I miss him terribly and he never got to met Ellie, he died before she was born.

So, basically, I'm a very family oriented person. And I'm shy, why would I invite a bunch of people I don't know and wouldn't talk to in a million years???

Also, check out this site, it's way cool. Literature Map, put in a favorite author and it will tell you the names of many authors who have a similar style. Way cool!

I am now 3 chapters and over 2500 words into my novel! Woo hoo for me!

What I Miss

The way I could rest my chin on the top of your head when I hugged you.

How soft your hands were. And how good it felt when you held my hand.

The way you looked at my daughter. The way you looked at me, especially when you thought I didn't notice.

Your macaroni & cheese. And chicken & dumplins.

The sound of your voice when you said I love you.

The way you read romance novel after romance novel. You could read 10 a week easy.

The way you worried about me.

The sound of you playing the piano.

Our talks. Our quiet times.

Your stubbornness. So like my own.

The way you would do anything for me.

You. I miss my hero.

A Crack in the Line by Michael Lawrence

A Crack in the Line
By Michael Lawrence
Rated: 4/5
Published in 2004

336 pages

This book had an interesting premise, one that both confused and interested me. I came out of it still not quite understanding where the author was going with it, but it left me wanting to read the next in the series to find out more.

From Amazon:

Alaric and Naia, both 16, have nearly identical lives in parallel worlds. Their parents, their house, and their circumstances are the same, with one major difference. Alaric's mother was killed in a train wreck, while Naia's mother survived. This story of alternate realities raises questions about how one's life might be changed forever by a certain turn of events. Alaric's home is dreary, dirty, and joyless and he misses his mother terribly. Naia lives in a world of light and privilege, with a clean, nicely furnished house and two loving parents. Through an association with a tree in the garden of their mutual home, the two teenagers travel back and forth from one world to the other. Working together, they try to make sense of what has happened to them and why. This is a very engaging tale at the outset. Lawrence vividly describes the same house under radically different circumstances and it becomes the focal point of the story. The dialogue contains some British slang and humor but is not difficult to follow. Ultimately Alaric and Naia trade places irreversibly, so that it is now Naia who is motherless. Readers may be left wondering what all this means, but will need to wait for the next volume in the series for a possible explanation.

elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin

Book Title: elsewhere
Date Finished: November 19, 2005
Author: Gabrielle Zevin
Year Published: 2005
Pages: 275
Genre: Young Adult
Rated: B+ – I couldn't put this book down. I carved out extra reading time just so I could finish it. This book got carted into the bathroom with me, read over meals, read at work, or kept me up late at night. If this author has more work, I will certainly read it.

Comments: This book, elsewhere, is an impossible novel for me to describe, so I'm going to let the publisher do that. All I will say is that it was a great read. I really enjoy this new author, I have read both of her books this year, and she has a wonderfully strange and interesting imagination. I will definitely keep an eye out for more by her.

From B&N:

Is it possible to grow up while getting younger?

Welcome to Elsewhere. It is warm, with a breeze, and the beaches are marvelous. It's quiet and peaceful. You can't get sick or any older. Curious to see new paintings by Picasso? Swing by one of Elsewhere's museums. Need to talk to someone about your problems? Stop by Marilyn Monroe's psychiatric practice. Elsewhere is where fifteen-year-old Liz Hall ends up, after she has died. It is a place so like Earth, yet completely different. Here Liz will age backward from the day of her death until she becomes a baby again and returns to Earth.

But Liz wants to turn sixteen, not fourteen (again). She wants to get her driver's license. She wants to graduate from high school and go to college. And now that she's dead, Liz is being forced to live a life she doesn't want with a grandmother she has only just met. And it is not going well.

How can Liz let go of the only life she has ever known and embrace a new one? Is it possible that a life lived in reverse is no different from a life lived forward? This moving, often funny book about grief, death, and loss will stay with the reader long after the last page is turned.


I made myself a new header picture at work yesterday. I really like it. It makes me happy.


My dear, sweet daughter spilled Hawaiian Punch all over my keyboard. It's okay, it's my fault, I shouldn't have left it sitting here but oh man, it is hard to type!! I need a new board dude.


My hubby and I had our first real knock-down drag out in many months last night. I'm grieving, he's feeling neglected, and it all came to a head. We got a lot of things out into the air; how I'm "never in the mood" anymore, how he's frustrated and upset because I don't talk to him enough (I'm still WTF on that, I talk to him all the fucking time). I cried, A LOT, he was very remourseful, and we had fantastic make-up sex.We need to do that more often.

Really though, I don't get it; why can't he see that I'm not quite as…hard up (?) for sex as he is? He can go 24/7 thinking about nothing but sex and he just can't understand that I don't. I have to think about other things; the money, the kid, what I'm going to cook when I get home, laundry, how fucked up the house is looking, Christmas, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle, his family, the fact that my car hasn't had it's oil changed into over 5,000 miles (!) and oh God the list goes on and on. By the time I DO think of sex I'm too tired!!!

Grrr, men!


My eyes are so swollen and my lips are so chapped. I fucking HATE crying!


He is right though, I do have a tendancy to take care of other things before I take care of him. I take him for granted. Which is really bad cause I adore him so much. Something to work on.


I'm going to see Harry Potter tomorrow. I can't wait!

Blackbird House by Alice Hoffman

Book Title: Blackbird House
Date Finished: November 15, 2005
Author: Alice Hoffman
Year Published: 2004
Pages: 225
Genre: Young Adult
Rated: B+ – I couldn't put this book down. I carved out extra reading time just so I could finish it. This book got carted into the bathroom with me, read over meals, read at work, or kept me up late at night. If this author has more work, I will certainly read it.

Comments: Ah, the language, the prose in this book is beautiful! Every word a jewel. Just a delightful read.

The healing power of words

Ever since my grandmother died, I have not been able to read. 3 weeks now and every book I pick up is impossible to read. The words jumble up on me and make no sense. They swim before my eyes and blur into nothingness. I have missed the comfort of words, stories, characters, so much these last few weeks. My one solace has been closed to me and left me feeling even more hollow than I already did.

Until yesterday.

While Ellie was taking her nap, I sat down with Blackbird House by Alice Hoffman. A short book of interconnected short stories…I thought it would be just the ticket. And it was. It is sooo good to sit down and see the words, know what they say, what they mean, to put the story together and see it in my head like normal. A part of me has been missing since…well, my mother…died and I feel like a small piece, a very small piece, but still, a piece of myself has come back. It may seem trivial to some, but it is so important to me. It was one of those things we had in common, my mother and I, and to get it back feels like I got a bit of her back as well.